Psychological Counselor Himeka Nakamoto (former Nogizaka46): “Guessing and Solo Life.” What is the difference between “one person” and “loneliness”?

 Himeka Nakamoto is a former member of Nogizaka46 and now a psychotherapist. In this series, she discusses the relationship between “guessing activities” and mental health from her unique perspective as she has experienced being on the “guessing side” and has been close to the mental health of those on the “guessing side. The theme of the 11th issue is “Guessing and Solo Life. Beginning with “Hitori-supporting activities,” she analyzes the difference between group activities and solo activities, and the difference between being alone and being a loner...from Nakamoto-san's unique multifaceted perspective!

The theme of the 11th edition is “Guessing Life and Solo Life

The world of “solo activities” or “one-person” activities, where one can enjoy various activities alone, seems to be expanding these days. Recently, I was interested to learn about a city hotel's “solo guess activity plan. It is nice to be able to enjoy your favorite videos on the big screen without worrying about who you are going to be alone. While “Hitori-suishikatsudo” is a great way to connect with other fans who share a common “love” and cooperate with each other, I feel that the demand for “Hitori-suishikatsudo” is increasing as well.

The advantage of “Hitori-suishikatsu” is that you can do it at your own pace. For example, if you feel like this, you may be tired of “Hitori-suishikatsudo” with others...

You feel overwhelmed in a group of highly enthusiastic people, or you wonder, “Is this what I should be doing in my own guess activities?” and get lost. As I have talked about in the past, it is when you compare yourself with others that you tend to lose your mental balance in your guessing activities. Also, conflicts tend to occur in the community, such as minor disagreements among fans. It can happen that you start to avoid the site of guess activity because of awkward relationships, or you stop using social networking sites because of hurtful words from the same fans. Some people may even start to dislike the guessing activities, even though they still love their guesses.

In these situations, I recommend a “one-person guess activity” of your own stance and your own pace. I am sure that you will be able to stay in a calm state of mind.

One and all, I remember when I was part of an idol group...

Now that I think about it, this “alone time” was a luxurious time to quietly reflect on a good day. I sometimes ruminated within myself about the joy of performing together. What do I want to do now? I sometimes asked myself, “What do I want to do from now on? This habit continues to this day and has become an important hub connecting me to my work and to society. Perhaps if this had been a “one-person reflection” meeting...the outcome might have been different.

I have been asked several times in counseling, “I have trouble reflecting by myself at home. I have been asked several times in counseling, “We had tea together and it was fun, but what I said to that person at that time may have been wrong,” or “I may have dragged the work we did as a team down at that time,” etc. It seems that when we start worrying in our own time, our worries can grow in size in the privacy of one person.

At such times, I think to myself, “It is better not to have the reflection meeting alone. If you think you may have said the wrong thing to someone and they are your friend, you can ask them, “Did I say the wrong thing at that time? Why don't you ask him or her?　I am sure they will give you a much more direct answer than if you ask yourself the same question. Don't worry about it at all!” But even if it is “I think it was wrong, so I want you to do something about it,” you will surely find an answer that will help you move forward.

Reflection does not end when you are alone. On the contrary, when you are alone, make it a time to work on yourself, to savor the good things and the happy things as an aftertaste. People who enjoy being alone may be good at this.

Whether you choose to be “alone” or “solitary” is up to you.

There are those who feel “alone” and lonely even when they are with their friends, and those who feel a comfortable distance from both their guesses and their guesses' friends even when they are doing their guess activities alone. Even in the same solo activities, they are completely different. If it is “I enjoy being alone” or “I feel lonely being alone,” I would choose the former. I think that people who can feel that they are actively participating in what they love, whether with others, alone, on site, or through a screen... are happy and strong. On the other hand, when I feel competitive, like “I don't want to disrupt the team circle of fans” or “I don't want to lose to this person,” then I feel more “alone.

As I myself felt “I want to be with everyone all the time! I myself felt “I want to be with everyone all the time!” Groups are actually very joyful and comfortable. However, I am sure that one day I will have to think about leaving the group. What do I want to do even if I am alone? What do I want to cherish in my life? I feel that by thinking about these questions, I will not get lost in the rest of my life. I came to this conclusion because of the “alone time” I had.

What is important to me and what would be fun for me to do?　If you are able to cherish your own feelings, you will be able to protect what is important to others. The “guess what activity” that brings together each and every one of us is sure to make us happy. That is what I believe is a healthy state of mind.