From Idol to Psychotherapist: The Trajectory of Himeka Nakamoto

From Idol to Psychotherapist: The Trajectory of Nakamoto Himeka.

Nakamoto Himeka (Psychotherapist and Mental Trainer)

At the timing when everyone felt the buds of her accumulated efforts were about to bloom into full flowers, Nakamoto Himeka made the decision to steer her course towards a new path. She was 21 years old at the time. As a first-generation member of the national idol group 'Nogizaka46', she supported the group during its early years for six years. And now, as a psychotherapist, she is walking her second career path with the aim to 'help many people'.

By Nao Miura.

Two years since joining Nogizaka46. My heart was decided when I was selected for the Senbatsu

The idols on the screen shine brightly, even through the screen. Many people may have admired them since they were young.

Nakamoto Himeka had been taking dance lessons since first grade, and since fourth grade, she had been active as a member of the 16th generation of Actors School Hiroshima, a local entertainment training school. However, she didn't actually dream of becoming an idol, contrary to what one might expect.

"I was allowed to do a lot of extracurricular activities, and dancing was one of them. I thought I would quit before the exams."

She is not good at deciding things on her own due to her personality. She describes herself as the "type who works hard on things that have been decided or recommended to me."

"Idols who sparkle and shine even through the screen. Many people may have admired them since they were young.

Nakamoto Himeka, who started dancing from first grade of elementary school and was active as a 16th generation student of Actors School Hiroshima, a local entertainment training school, from fourth grade. However, contrary to expectations, she did not dream of becoming an idol.

"I was given a lot of opportunities to take lessons, and dance was just one of them. I thought I would quit before the entrance exam."

She is not good at making decisions on her own due to her personality. She describes herself as the type who works hard on what has been decided or recommended to her.

"All the lessons I took were because my older sister was taking them. Dance was the only thing I wanted to continue on my own. But I didn't think I wanted to make it my job."

She was also encouraged to audition for the first generation of "Nogizaka46." She passed unexpectedly after the first and second rounds of screening while still in the third year of junior high school in Hiroshima.

"At that time, I didn't think that the group called Nogizaka46 would become what it is today. I thought I would take the high school entrance exam in Tokyo, and I just hoped it would lead to a bright future."

In reality, when Nogizaka46's activities began, it was much more fulfilling and rewarding than Nakamoto had imagined. By working hard on their performances and delivering smiles to fans, they could make people feel better. She found the work of being an idol attractive and enjoyable from the bottom of her heart."

That being said, Nogizaka46's activities can be described as harsh. The first generation consisted of a total of 36 members, but not all of them are able to perform on music shows and other events. Only the "selected members" chosen for each single released are able to do so. Nakamoto was first selected as a member of the selected members in her second year of high school, about two years after joining the group. This was around the time when her classmates began to switch gears and focus on taking university entrance exams.

"I had always had thoughts of going to university. Being selected as a member is not a guarantee, as members are replaced for each single that is released. However, I was determined to try my best for the group and had no doubts in my mind."

Middleton was naturally skilled and a perfectionist. She had excelled at everything she was taught, be it studying, singing, or dancing, from a young age. Looking back now, not being selected for the "Senbatsu" (selected) members who perform on each single was a significant setback for Middleton, who had gained self-esteem from being praised and evaluated by others. This selection to become a "Senbatsu" member was finally a reward for her hard work.

"At that time, if I hadn't been selected as a Senbatsu member, I might have gone to college, and I might not have been as passionate about Nogizaka's activities as I am now."

However, Middleton did not perform as a Senbatsu member for some time after that.

Excessive perfectionism can corrode one's own mind and body

It was about two and a half years later, shortly after turning 20, when Nakamoto became a member of the select group again. Even during the time when she was not part of the select group, she was praised for her authentic singing and dancing, and grew to be a symbol of a traditional idol. She took on the center position, singing the main parts in songs performed by the "under" members who were not part of the select group, and made her presence felt on radio and television, becoming popular.

In the next song, Nakamoto continued to be a part of the select members, and everyone was confident in her position and expected further success. However, her mind and body were silently screaming.

"I was too obsessed with being a part of the select members. When I was an "under" member, I had the drive to get into the select members and do what I wanted to do. But when I actually made it, I couldn't even set new goals for myself. I was suffocating under my own 'excessive perfectionism.'"

As an "under" member, she had a role to play, and the "under" members themselves had the ability to fill up the Budokan arena. Despite this, Nakamoto herself was fixated on being a part of the select members and believed that it would be meaningless if she didn't make it. She pushed herself relentlessly, even if she had a high fever or no choice but to practice all day and night. She always wore a 100% smile, whether it was early in the morning or late at night, thinking it was expected of her as a professional.

「In the following period, despite being a part of the selected members for the next song, no one could have predicted the inner turmoil that Nakaoka was going through.

"My desire to be a part of the selected members was too strong. When I was an undermember, I was motivated by frustration, thinking about what I would do once I joined the selected members and why I couldn't make it. But after becoming a part of the selected members, I found myself unable to set new goals and was suffocated by my own excessive perfectionism."

Even though undermembers had their own important roles, and had the ability to fill venues on their own, Nakaoka herself was fixated on being part of the selected members, feeling that it was meaningless if she wasn't. She pushed herself relentlessly, even when she had a high fever or had no other choice but to move forward without taking a break during rehearsals, always displaying a 100% smile regardless of the time of day. She thought it was a given for a professional to behave this way.

Her only way to relieve stress was through eating, and she had developed an eating disorder since high school. At the time, she thought that it was due to being busy and felt that being thin was more important. However, after becoming part of the selected members, her body began to manifest her stress through the inability to get out of bed and constant tears. She couldn't forgive herself and continued to attack herself, thinking, "I'm a professional, but..."

Therefore, she had no choice but to announce a hiatus due to "poor physical condition." The actual diagnosis was "adjustment disorder." She thought that a little rest and medication would be enough to get her back on track, but she couldn't find a way to improve her condition.

"At that time, my manager suggested that I try counseling. I was negative about talking to other people and believed that I had to solve everything on my own. However, my manager had been considerate, so I felt that it would be disrespectful not to take their advice. To be honest, I was skeptical and wondered if just talking about it would help."

However, this turned out to be a major turning point.

"It seems that talking to a counselor who is psychologically distant rather than a close person was good, even though it was just a simple exchange. I think there are people who can talk about anything with their friends, but I'm the type who wants to be relied on or thought of as a good person. With a counselor, there is no need to worry about how the conversation will change their evaluation or relationship with you, and there is no need to put on a character or persona when talking about such dark topics. It was also good that there was no pressure to do things a certain way. I was able to be honest about my thoughts, cry, and let it all out."

From there, I gradually began to regain myself and started thinking about the next steps.

"I am the type of person who is driven by the feeling of being useful to someone or making someone happy. Similarly, I have come to want to save someone. And then, in December 2017, I ended my six-year career and left the entertainment industry."

I want to be helpful to someone, make them smile. This is the hope I found after experiencing the biggest setback in my life.

Currently, she works as a psychological counselor and mental trainer while studying psychology at university.

"I started working at 15 years old, and since then, I have always considered myself a working adult, so balancing work and studies was a major requirement. When I entered university in the spring of 2018, I chose distance learning."

Although her young age may be a disadvantage as a counselor, her professional career spans over 10 years, making her an experienced and seasoned professional.

"Many of the people who come to me for counseling are older than me. At first, I was worried that they might not think I was reliable, but there were a certain number of people who said that it was easier to talk to someone closer to their age, or that they wanted to talk to a younger person. I still feel embarrassed when people call me "Professor Nakamoto", but I've learned that age doesn't really matter. When I first left the entertainment industry, I stubbornly refused to mention the name "Nogizaka46" or appear in the media, but now things are different."

"When I was diagnosed, there were few books or articles on 'adjustment disorder' that I could find in bookstores or online. When I decided to become a counselor, people even asked me, 'Is there demand for that kind of work?' However, that ignited a fire in me and I thought, 'I want to spread awareness and help as many people as possible who are struggling.' So, while it's important to consider what I want to do, I also became proactive in accepting interviews and actively sharing my experiences as a counselor. My self-esteem is still low, but my ability to empathize with others is stronger than most, and I take pride in that as a counselor."

"I am also saved when my clients say 'thank you'. By listening to various people's stories, I feel that it also leads to my own growth."

Himeka's counseling is completely remote. She initially chose this format because "opening a clinic was a high hurdle," but now she has realized the great benefits of remote counseling.

"Many people feel that going to a clinic is a high hurdle, such as when they want to consult but there is no clinic nearby, or when there is a counseling room at work or school but they do not want others to know. With remote counseling, it seems that anyone can receive counseling easily from anywhere without worrying about their surroundings. I want to be the "gateway" to counseling," she says.

There are many counselors who hold prestigious qualifications or work at famous hospitals and they are undoubtedly more experienced than me. On the other hand, there are also many people who are interested in receiving counseling from me because they know me from my idol days or because we are close in age. However, my goal in blogging and hosting a radio show is not to attract clients to come to me specifically. Rather, I hope to inspire people to take the first step towards seeking counseling, whether it be going to a school counseling room or finding a clinic, after listening to my stories. Next spring, I will graduate from university and devote myself to the path of a counselor.

"Before the pandemic, many people felt that going to a counseling clinic was too high of a hurdle, either because there were no clinics nearby or they didn't want people around them to know they were seeking counseling, even if their workplace or school had counseling rooms. With remote counseling, they can receive counseling from anywhere without worrying about their surroundings and feel more comfortable accessing it."

"I want to be a gateway to counseling," says Nakamoto.

There are many counselors with prestigious qualifications or who work at famous hospitals, and to be honest, I'm still no match for them in terms of experience. However, many people have come to me for counseling because they know what kind of person I am from my idol days, or because we are close in age. But what I am broadcasting on my blog and radio show is not an invitation to come to me specifically. I hope that by listening to my story, it can serve as a catalyst for someone to take that first step and seek counseling at their school's counseling room or find a clinic."

Nakamoto will graduate from university next spring and will focus on her career as a counselor. "Of course, counseling is important, but before the pandemic, I also spoke at open campus events at universities with psychology departments. In the future, I want to put more effort into outreach activities like that."

Her personality of overworking herself and trying to cram too much into her schedule still hasn't changed. However, now she has clients who rely on her, and to be there for them, she needs to be mentally and physically healthy herself. She realizes this now, something she couldn't see during her idol days.

"I don't know what the future holds. What will happen in the spring?" she says, laughing while thinking about the future. Her eyes were shining the most during the interview.

People often say that they are either too young or too old to achieve their dreams, but age is not an obstacle to realizing one's dreams. There is always something that the current version of oneself can accomplish.

Nakamoto will be 27 years old next spring. Armed with the experience she has gained and the power she currently possesses, Nakamoto is embarking on a new stage of her life.

Source:

https://www.projectdesign.jp/articles/98f7afeb-fbb4-4be8-a956-040bd62f9e26